


I want to meet the kind of folks I've never met

by pistol_red



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Merpeople, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-04
Updated: 2013-05-04
Packaged: 2017-12-10 09:04:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/784273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pistol_red/pseuds/pistol_red
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Johnny is tangled in a net and Patrick is the merman who saves him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I want to meet the kind of folks I've never met

**Author's Note:**

> This story is what happens when I'm tired and dehydrated. This is a world where Patrick is a merman and all logic and sense have been thrown out the window. This couple wouldn't work(I mean he is half fish and lives in the ocean) no sense is made and nothing is explained, so it's basically crack. Heh. The title is from the song Cuckoo by Lissie. 
> 
> I'M SORRY.

Patrick had just been minding his own business, chatting with a couple clownfish about an upcoming sale and meandering about near sea level when he heard a shout. A garbled, human shout.

There were some strict rules: don’t piss off the Orcas, don’t let the humans see you, don’t eat coral and don’t piss of the Orcas for fuck’s sake remember the massacre! 

Patrick was more than familiar with these rules as his mom had been stressing that he follow them since he hatched because hey, the prince of the Bermuda Triangle Territories should set an example for his subjects. But Patrick figured that everyone knew by now not to follow his example so he could do whatever mostly. It’s not like he was inheriting, that was on Erica, and there wasn't really any harm in popping up out of water every now and then. 

And plus, humans were weird and freaky and fascinating and Patrick couldn't help but be fascinated by legs. Like, holy shit were those things weird. Patrick wasn't even sure what he’d do without his mad swimming skills so he always figured he’d make a pretty bad human. Or at least he did until Erica hit him over the head and scowled at him, telling him that he talked about humans too much and that he shouldn't go so close to the surface. 

Erica wasn't any fun when it came to humans. She never went to the air and she generally believed the old stories about humans. Patrick believed them too, but he had more fun with like, life than Erica. And he got Jackie to come to the air twice so his fun is obviously contagious.

It was super weird to hear a human voice underwater though, so Patrick was intrigued. It was garbled and water filled, sure, but he could recognize a human voice by now. 

He swam upwards, towards the air until he saw a human figure thrashing around in the water, just under the surface, appearing to be tangled in something.

Huh, Patrick thought, I should probably do something. The thing was, he just wasn't sure what. According to legend humans were bad omens, evil and cruel and to be avoided at all costs. And sure, Patrick mostly believed them, he had experienced oil spills first hand, fuck humans seriously, but at the same time, the human was pretty flaily and they like, couldn't live in the water, which was super weird and Patrick kinda wanted to ask them about it plus he was a prince and all and totally respected all forms life. He spends a lot of his time helping the creatures of the sea. Erica says it's because he's sappy and gooey inside but mom always gets that weird look on her face when she sees him helping the crabs stabilize their economy, like she might suddenly hug him really tight, so he figures it's all worthwhile. Plus, stabilizing the economy is fun, fuck the haters. 

Patrick mentally shrugged to himself and swam swiftly upwards, deciding to like, respect life and shit. The human was tangled in some kind of rope that was slowly dragging him in under the water so Patrick got right up in his face and waved his hands at him, trying to signal that he should stop thrashing. 

The guy obviously saw him, as suddenly his body went shock still, brown eyes widening at him and his mouth falling open briefly which only made him splutter and choke some more.

Patrick grabbed the rope, which he noticed was a net on closer inspection and untangled it from where it was wrapped around the guy’s water logged pants, pulling it away and grabbing him by the shoulders and hoisting his head out of the water so he could breathe.

The man spluttered and coughed for a few minutes, his head lying mostly on top of Patrick’s shoulder. Patrick was holding him around the waist and keeping his body afloat with gentle kicks of his fins while he waited for the guy to stop coughing. 

Hopefully he actually would, Patrick thought. He didn't know much about air except that it felt weird and thin and kinda terrifying to him, but he guessed it didn't make the guy feel naked and vulnerable the way it did with Patrick.

Eventually the coughing toned down and final stopped altogether, the only noise being the movement of the water as Patrick held his head up out of the water and shamelessly studied his face.

The guy cleared his throat suddenly and said, “So I was on a boat.”

Patrick blinked, “Huh?” he said, he hadn't heard a human speak in over a year, and never to him.

The guy turned his head on Patrick’s shoulder a little and good Poseidon, seemed to be glaring at him. It was a terrifying glare. “Boat,” he said again, “It floats on water.”

Patrick was offended, “I know what a boat does, dude.”

The guy stared at him for a moment before saying, “You speak English.”

Patrick scoffed, “Duh, man. We invented it.” It figures the first conversation he ever has with a human is about like, how the human didn't expect him to be able to speak above the air and shit. He’s the crown prince; he knows his shit, okay?

The guy kept staring at him, “I’m pretty sure you didn't,” he said.

Patrick felt more than a little annoyed; who did this guy think he was? “Yeah man, who else would have invented it?”

Patrick was starting to wish he had let the guy drown if only so he wouldn't still be staring at him. “.............the English.”

Patrick rolled his eyes, “And where do you think they got it from?” 

This guy had to stop with the staring; seriously, it was beginning to freak Patrick out. “It’s like.... it’s like linguistics and shit,” the guy said, and gestured vaguely with his hands, splashing water about.

Patrick was kind of sick of this. “No man, they stole all our shit, get over it. I kind of wish I just kissed you.”

The guy blinked a few times before croaking, “What?”

Oh, right. A lot of humans didn't know about the Old Ways. “Dude we used to entrance humans and then kiss them, before pulling them down into the depths and shit.”

The guy’s face scrunched up. “Entrance people? You?”

Okay now Patrick was totally offended, “Fuck you my face is great and you’d be so lucky as to get a kiss from me.”

He snorted and said, “Right, sure.”

Patrick sort of wanted to fin slap him in the face. “You know I didn't have to save your life man, your welcome for that by the way.”

His face shut down for a moment before he said sincerely, “I know.” He kept staring at him seriously for a few more seconds before saying, “Thank you.”

“Uh, sure, whatever,” Patrick mumbled. He wasn't actually expecting a thank you nor did he really think one was required. He sort of wanted the guy to stop looking at him gratefully because it was weird and it felt weird and tight in his stomach for some reason.

“I’m Johnny,” he said suddenly.

Johnny. Right, okay, “I’m Patrick.”

“Really?” Johnny asked, raising an eyebrow at him judgingly and Patrick remembered why he kind of wanted to punch this guy while simultaneously trying to squash the bubbling excitement in his gut about how he was talking to a human and his name was Johnny and he had legs and wasn't trying to kill him or anything and this was great.

“Patrick’s a better name than Johnny,” he said defensively. Anything his mom picked as a name was better than everyone else’s. Team mom forever. 

“Right,” said Johnny, “I just thought you’d have something…..else as your name.”

Patrick snorted. “You stole most of our languages so you took our names too, jackass.”

Johnny rolled his eyes and kicked him lightly in the fin before saying, “Right, sorry. I don’t know much-anything about….mermaid……culture,” he finished awkwardly. 

A new look was taking over his face. One that was a lot less like confusion and general obnoxiousness and more like holy fuck I almost died and now I am in the arms of a merman.

Patrick figured he might panic a little too if he woke up one day and like, horses existed or something. Everyone knew horses were just a thing of ridiculous legends. 

“Hey man,” he said, tightening his grip on Johnny a little, “You’re cool, I've got you.”

“Do you make a habit of saving…humans?” Johnny asked, in a way that made him sound kind of like a jackass but at least the panic was gone from his face.

“No, actually. You’re my first.”

Johnny looked at him in surprise and just said, “Oh.”

They stayed there for a little while, floating in the water, Patrick just thinking and trying to stop the slew of questions he had about land from coming out when Johnny said suddenly, “So. I was in a boat. Somewhere around here.”

Oh right. Humans generally don’t just end up randomly tangled in nets out in the middle of nowhere.

“A fishing boat. I was fishing with friends. We went out too far. Our boat capsized.”

Patrick didn't really think that explained why there was no boat nearby and why Johnny had been stuck in fishing net but when he said as much Johnny just flushed a dull red and muttered something about how the current carried him with some debris and he was trying to make a raft only to tangle himself in rope and practically drown himself.  
Patrick tried not to laugh; he figured it didn't fit into the whole ‘respecting all forms of life’ thing.

“Land’s not that far,” Patrick said. He knew that much. A lot of people passed by on the surface and even if he didn't go into air as much as he used to, he knew that much.  
“Yeah. My friends got the raft.” He said suddenly.

Patrick recognized upcoming signs of distress and patted him on the head briefly before saying, “I bet they're fine, man.” 

Johnny looked somewhat reassured and Patrick offered, “Hey, I can take you to shore.”

Johnny looked at him in surprise. “You can?” He said loudly, “You can swim that far?”

“Dude,” Patrick said with a roll of his eyes. “Fins. They’re awesome.”

“Oh,” Johnny said, and then they were off.

It was kind of awkward half dragging a human through water while they mostly kept themselves afloat but still choking on water a few times, but they managed it, and they did it with only a couple of resting breaks where they just floated on their backs, staring up at the sky, while Johnny talked about land and Patrick talked about the sea because he finally caved and asked Johnny all about humans and found out he was just as curious with Patrick as Patrick was with him. He was pretty sure Johnny didn't believe that Patrick was a prince though, if the way he rolled his eyes and scoffed was anything to go by. He did seem really interested in the current state of crab's economy though. 

What Patrick did take away from their talks was that for one he should try alcohol, because Johnny made getting trashed sound absolutely flawless in every way (minus the epic hangovers) and possibly go see Canada. It was apparently ‘The Absolute Best’. He also learned that he didn't really want to stop talking to Johnny, because Johnny was kind of funny when he wasn't in shock and being a jerk.

They reached the shore though, eventually. It was a private beach, Patrick figured, because it was quiet. He spent a moment staring at it, as he always did whenever he rarely saw the land, before swimming into the shallows and nodding at Johnny, “Well, there you go,” he didn't know why this was weird. It wasn't even like he knew Johnny for more than a couple hours anyway. But....it was.

Johnny looked at the beach and then back to Patrick before smiling widely at him and saying, “Thanks, Patrick.”

They both floated in the shallows for a minute, looking at each other before Patrick cleared his throat and said, “Well, this probably shouldn't be too far from where your….land is, or whatever. I would bid you a traditional merpeople farewell…..but that involves like, drowning you and shit.”

Johnny was still looking at him. Patrick looked down at the water, uncomfortable under his gaze. 

“And a kiss, right?” Johnny asked. Patrick blinked stupidly at him. “Drowning and a kiss, right?” Johnny repeated.

“Uh, yeah,” Patrick said slowly, his heart hammering in his chest. 

“Well, uh, would it count?” Johnny asked awkwardly, “If like, I only gave you a kiss? And you like, uh, didn't drown me? A….mixing of our cultures, if you will.”

Patrick didn't exactly know what to say expect nod his head and make a faint squeaking sound.

Johnny smiled a little in response, almost shyly, and swam closer to Patrick, his feet able to touch the ocean’s floor now as he stopped and stood on his tip toes in front of him.

They just looked at each other for a moment before Johnny raised his hands slowly, hesitantly, cupping Patrick’s face before lightly kissing him.

They just stood there for a moment and it was kind of awkward but also kind of awesome, Patrick gathered distantly before breaking apart, Johnny opening his mouth to speak, “Well, uh, I guess I should go-“

Patrick cut him off by lunging at his mouth again. He sort of missed his lips, but he got his point across because Johnny stopped talking about leaving and groaned into his mouth, kissing him back hard. Bruisingly hard.

It was awesome. Patrick decided he basically wanted to kiss Johnny forever before he came crashing back down to reality and broke away from him, breathing heavily and feeling something churn in his gut at Johnny’s wide eyes and bruised mouth.

“Uh,” he said, “You should probably….um….”

Johnny cleared his throat, “Um, right. Yeah.”

“Do you have a phone?” He asked suddenly, before wincing.

“What?” Patrick was pretty bewildered. “What’s that?”

Johnny appeared to be beating himself up internally as he responded, “Uh nothing, forget it.” Before saying suddenly, “Do you hang around here a lot?”

Patrick blinked. “Uh, yeah. I mean, I live nearby.”

Johnny sort of looked like he wanted to drown but he kept going, “Um so if I like, come out here…on these rocks,” he said gesturing widely at a large rock on the beach, “Would um, I see you?”

“I’m pretty sure that beach is private property,” Patrick said, because hey, that was a valid point.

Johnny winced before saying abruptly, “Okay, yeah, I get it, I’ll go then.”

“Wait!” Patrick called out a little desperately, “If you find a way to get by those rocks tomorrow at like, sunset, I’ll be here.”

Johnny turned back to look at him, a little smile on his face as he said, “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Patrick said, grinning, he had never interacted with a human before today, but Patrick was pretty excited about the potential outcome of hanging out with Johnny.

“I’ll see you there.”


End file.
